It was 2013 — an era before TikTok and when you could breathe air without concern for deadly contagion. I was working as a manager for commercial real estate, not yet having realized my aspirations for being a writer. If that time in history could have one word to describe its glorious station in the annals of record, that word would be “…meh.”
I stopped into the post office of the Pine Grove Mills, Pennsylvania post office and found a letter that both filled me with dread and ignited my heart on fire in an excited flame — an envelope from the government. Yours truly had been selected as a candidate to potentially serve for jury duty in a federal case. There was a serial number I had to log into every day to see if I had been selected and everything.
Continue reading “The A.P. Miller Method for Getting Out of Jury Duty”
I was certain that we were goners – the Felines had lost all sense of social order and began employing cruelty as a leisure activity. For the blog that I had posted last week, I was forced to walk across piles of cat vomit in my bare feet while wearing a blindfold. Their laughs and cackles still haunt my dreams and I am certain that I will never truly know peace again. As further discipline for my attempt at insurrection, the Cats would wake me up in the middle of the night by making retching sounds; nothing tears one from the merciful numbness of slumber like the thought that a Cat is puking somewhere.
Continue reading “The Good Boy Rebellion (Feline Uprising Part 2)”
[WARNING]: This piece is a humor piece and should not be intended for actual alarm or concern. The feline overlords are benevolent creatures and no one was tied to a chair and tortured until he agreed to comply with the feline standards of public decency. Enjoy this completely falsified and untrue statement of Feline Government, fabricated for your enjoyment.
Continue reading “The Uprising: Vive La Revolution Feline!”