The A.P. Miller Method for Getting Out of Jury Duty

It was 2013 — an era before TikTok and when you could breathe air without concern for deadly contagion. I was working as a manager for commercial real estate, not yet having realized my aspirations for being a writer. If that time in history could have one word to describe its glorious station in the annals of record, that word would be “…meh.”

I stopped into the post office of the Pine Grove Mills, Pennsylvania post office and found a letter that both filled me with dread and ignited my heart on fire in an excited flame — an envelope from the government. Yours truly had been selected as a candidate to potentially serve for jury duty in a federal case. There was a serial number I had to log into every day to see if I had been selected and everything.

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The Good Boy Rebellion (Feline Uprising Part 2)

I was certain that we were goners – the Felines had lost all sense of social order and began employing cruelty as a leisure activity. For the blog that I had posted last week, I was forced to walk across piles of cat vomit in my bare feet while wearing a blindfold. Their laughs and cackles still haunt my dreams and I am certain that I will never truly know peace again. As further discipline for my attempt at insurrection, the Cats would wake me up in the middle of the night by making retching sounds; nothing tears one from the merciful numbness of slumber like the thought that a Cat is puking somewhere.

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The Uprising: Vive La Revolution Feline!

[WARNING]: This piece is a humor piece and should not be intended for actual alarm or concern. The feline overlords are benevolent creatures and no one was tied to a chair and tortured until he agreed to comply with the feline standards of public decency. Enjoy this completely falsified and untrue statement of Feline Government, fabricated for your enjoyment.

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