The Once and Future A.P. Miller

Thanks to the subject of the writing that I am doing right now, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to ponder and postulate on who I am, who I was, and who I will become. I have questions, damnit! I need answers, I crave resolution; most importantly, I need to know that it’s not too late. This week, I wanted to share those questions with you, and invite you to reach out to me if you have the answers I seek.

In a world where there are no stupid questions, just stupid answers, I seek to change the status quo:

With depreciation and aging considered, is MC Hammer still sure that “it” can’t be touched? …has he confirmed what “it” is?

Meat Loaf would do anything for love, but he wouldn’t do that. Is it like that one time I told everyone who reads my blog that I appreciate all of them …except for you? Is Meat Loaf trying to give me anxiety, that one behavioral flaw is making me unable to be loved? Is a learned behavior grounds for disqualifying me from Meat Loaf’s love and affection?

Who did let the dogs out?

When O.J. Simpson was acquitted for murder, did the police just stop looking for who really did it? I haven’t heard a word about the investigation since the trial was over.

Not really a question, I would really just like to express my disappointment that Gangnam Style is already not popular anymore. I just learned how to do that dance without hurting myself.

What are oldies stations going to sound like when I am in my golden years? Am I going to tell my grandchildren to turn their garbage down because music these days doesn’t have the same heart felt qualities as the death metal I grew up with?

Will the future generation look down on me for using a microwave oven to heat a frozen burrito (that is mostly flour tortilla and bean flavored pork anus) the same way that I look down on my grandfather’s generation for believing that getting a baby liquored up will soothe the pain of bone tearing through the delicate flesh of their gums?

Was every pop-rock band in the 90’s issued a harmonica by the government or something? I’m looking at you Blues Traveler, Bruce Springsteen, Crash Test Dummies, the Gin Blossoms (I still love you!), and the Bodines.

Dear Millennials: don’t let people from my generation give you a hard time about having to pay for content to download just because all of our cheat codes were built into our video games — we paid actual money to buy books and magazines to find out what those cheat codes were.

Another statement: I have no idea if I’m a millennial or not. I don’t feel like a millennial. I was born in 1984 but I still get agitated when young people are enjoying themselves. Perhaps I’m a Gen-X’er in a Millennial’s undesirable body.

Can a representative from the extraterrestrials confirm why they haven’t made a public outreach of introduction yet? Is it because human beings are terrible to each other? I’d totally understand if that was it.

Who’d have guessed that I am more concerned with word count as an adult than when I was being educated? I was writing a term paper on macroeconomics once and couldn’t have cared less (please note the appropriate usage of the phrase) about word count …now? If I don’t hit a word quota, I feel slimy like I just bought stock in the Umbrella Corporation.

Can anyone else agree that “Pop Punk” is an oxymoron? Pop, by definition, is obvious. Punk was a counter culture movement that was a response to the hippy flower power movement. How does the anti-establishment get associated with being embraced by the popular masses? Two words: Hot. Topic.

Speaking of Hot Topic; have I been away for so long that Hot Topic went from the one stop t-shirts for bands that aren’t on the radio shop to Harry Potter Cosplay discount outlet? When did that happen?

For my musician friends: at what stage of depreciation does it become okay to cover a Fender Stratocaster in stickers? A new mid-line strat costs about $500.00 bucks …when does it become okay to cover a $500.00 anything in stickers? This is an actual question, I am not trying to make anyone laugh.

Statement Threepeat: I feel like the capitalist quest to make the cost to make things cheaper while selling it at the same price has lead to the decline of quality. I’m all about making money (in fact, if you would buy a copy of “Broken Promise Records” on Amazon, I’d be very grateful), my point is that if I took a book that sold for $9.99 and then tried to sell the same book a few years later with half the words for the same price, wouldn’t that dilute the quality of the literary work?

Thank you, loyal readers and friends, for being my sounding board. If you have questions such as these, let them out! We will all be better off on the road that leads to enlightenment!

Until Next Time.

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