I looked at the calendar and realized school is about to begin soon. As the almost-40 parent of none, the commencement of the new school year means little outside of traffic patterns in the Greater Wilmington, NC area changing with the onset of school bus routes resuming. Nostalgia doesn’t hit me as hard as it did when I lived in Pennsylvania. North Carolina doesn’t quite have the Appalachian chill in the air that says “football season is upon us,” or “time to collect wood for the bonfire.” In fact, I’m looking at the thermometer, and it’s almost 80 degrees fahrenheit. It’s been quite a while since I stepped out my front door and been reminded of the first day of classes.
Upon further inspection of the calendar, I realize that it has been twenty years since I’ve graduated high school. To date, I haven’t heard anything about a reunion, but I can’t tell you that I’d go—not yet, anyways. There is a lot more living I want to do before I go see those men and women again. I want to be able to go back and tell stories of an authentic life worth living. I want to be able to celebrate their lives, in earnest, not feeling like I’ve missed out on any of mine. Simultaneously, I don’t want to discredit anything I’ve done, either. I only want to go back to the Moshannon Valley Junior-Senior High School with a heart full of things I would have never imagined I’d see while living in Clearfield County.
For this week’s blog, and specifically for my own benefit (if I’m struggling to think about what I’ve done approaching the thirty-year anniversary since leaving high school), I wanted to do a “Where is he now?” to compare myself now, to who I was.
| On the Day I Graduated High School | Right Now | |
| Age: | 18 | 38 |
| Occupation: | None | Author, Novelist, Reigning Archduke of Mayhem |
| Best Skill: | Drawing | Storytelling |
| Career Ambitions: | I want to be a career musician. I taught myself to play the bass and surely I will have no problem making it to the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame …right? | I want to be the greatest storyteller of all time. More than rich, more than famous, I want to be great*. I want people to look back on my body of work & find something brilliant, even if I didn’t intentionally put it there. |
| Greatest Accomplishment to Date: | Surviving high school. | Doing the most punk rock thing I could possibly think of and just publishing my own books outside of traditional publishing platforms. It’s not to say that I won’t be traditionally published someday, but the fact that I just did it, without regard for expectations. Whenever I’m feeling down, I remind myself of that. |
| Where do you see yourself in twenty years? | I don’t know. Hopefully a tour bus. Hopefully with a ticket to somewhere else. That’s as far as I’ve thought it out. | Now that I’ve given myself permission to dream as big as I dare, and to work with the expectation that I am just as worthy as anyone to expect wild success, I see myself on the New York Times Best Seller list. I see myself on a stage, talking about one of my works in the academic sense. I see myself as unstoppable. |
| Favorite Book: | “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk | “A Visit from the Goon Squad” by Jennifer Egan |
| Favorite Band: | The Misfits | The Misfits |
| Favorite TV Show: | Dragon Ball Z | [SCRUBS] |
| Favorite Quote: | “Carpe Diem.” | It’s a tie between: “In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” -Albert Camus And “Hard work pays off, dreams come true. Bad times don’t last, but bad guys do!” -Scott Hall |
*”…more than rich, more than famous, more than great” is a quote from Bruce Springsteen.
I’m really glad I did this. I don’t feel that I am in competition with anyone except for myself. Diagramming my outlook on the world the way I did confirmed that I have experienced personal growth and that means I’m traveling in the right direction.
Thank you for joining me; I’ll see you on your next trip across the Millerverse!
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Songs Listened to Writing This Blog:
- “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” – Simple Minds
- “Remedy” – Cold
- “Days Go By” – Dirty Vegas
- “When a Man Loves a Woman” – Percy Sledge
- “Don’t Dream It’s Over” – Crowded House
A.P. Miller 