Do you remember when the CEO of TikTok was dragged in front of a Congressional Panel and the world had to watch a bunch of dinosaurs figure out how technology worked? I’m honestly shocked the poor man wasn’t taken to Salem, tried for being a witch, and burned at the stake. I will say I think the CEO of TikTok was paraded in front of the wrong panel—that man should have had to face the highest spiritual leader of every faith system on this planet—TikTok is sucking life from people like someone chose the wrong Holy Grail in an Indiana Jones movie. I’m guilty of it too. I’ll sit down after work, commit to a few minutes of doom scrolling, and realize it’s time to get up, and file for retirement.
No one ever prepared me for the young people on that app gushing over songs from the 80s and 90s, saying shit like “this song hits me in the feels.” It hits me in the feels too—mostly how it felt to have to hear the same song on the radio for the 47,952nd time on the radio. Let’s be perfectly clear, there was no skipping songs, hitting next, or streaming another channel. When you’re eight years old, locked in a vehicle while your mom is smoking her second pack of Marlboro Reds of the trip, and in the driver’s seat, there was nothing to listen to other than the radio, or the minutes of your life being stolen from you. Sure, we had cassette players, CD players even, but can you imagine how far that gets you when you have ADHD so bad you’re giving the people around you a learning disorder? Worse than that, if you caught a brief glimpse of a song you might like, and someone changes the station before you can find out what the song is, your only hope is that you’ll find out what the song’s name is in the next life.
Mariah Carey, I am sure you are a wonderful human being, with a lot of redeeming qualities, but the sound of your voice makes my body hurt. 90’s pop radio was so cruel, and unforgiving, that Mariah Carey’s voice makes my body respond by trying to shake itself apart. The specific tones of that woman’s voice is like a freight train and I am the deer stuck on the track. Christmas is inhuman torture in four-minute increments.
Still, I’d probably give anything to get it back. I miss the magic of finding a brand new song that would shape me for the first time. For every one “All I Want For Christmas (Is to Claim Your Will To Live)” by Mariah Carey, there were ten “Hey Jealousy” by Gin Blossoms, or “Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum. For every time I had to hear “At the End of the Road” by All-4-One, I could turn to my copy of “One Headlight” by the Wallflowers.
You don’t know what media moments are going to be core memories until many years down the road and then there is a longing for those times to come back. I’ve always told myself if I could see those times coming back, I’d hold on to them, and never let them go. For that reason, I am glad you’ve found the music of my generation, Young People of TikTok. If you ever need a recommendation, please let me know. Please hold on to these magical days of discovery, because eventually the good times are the same as the old times, and you have to do adult shit to make sure you can keep living to the next day to keep doing more adult shit.
Thank you for reading and I’ll see you on your next trip across the Millerverse!
—
Songs Listened to Writing This Blog:
- “Iris” – Goo Goo Dolls
- “Here Comes the Hotstepper” – Ini Kamoze
- “Gotta Be” – Des’ree
- “Sunny Came Home” – Sean Colvin
- “How Bizarre” – OMC
A.P. Miller 