15 *Technically* True Facts About A.P. Miller

Ask my younger sister, she’ll tell you. While I’m not the man who invented the loophole, I sure exploited it like I did. My poor mother, what a challenge it must have been to raise such a wiseass child such as myself. When Mom would give an order, I’d follow it, according to its most vague interpretation. For example: Mom would tell me that I couldn’t have chocolate ice cream for dinner …but she didn’t say a damn thing about chowing down on a pint of Breyers for lunch, did she? It’s this sort of thing that’s going to haunt me when I become a parent, mark my words.

For this week’s blog, I’m counting down facts that are technically true, if not a little misguided. Why? Because what it all comes down to is perspective. Is A.P. Miller just some guy that writes books, poems, and short stories? Or! Is A.P. Miller a Pre-Pulitzer Prize Winning Wordsmith? The glass is half full, my friends.

In no particular order, facts that are technically true about A.P. Miller:

  1. I am undefeated in both professional and amateur boxing, mixed martial arts, and fencing.

  2. I am the most successful author that answers to A.P. in my house hold.

  3. I have completed more of Mr. Nevling’s Geometry assignments than Albert Einstein.

  4. I have discovered more of North American than Napoleon Bonaparte.

  5. I have never been unsuccessful at hostage negotiations.

  6. My lineage has not only survived, but flourished after the defeat of the Bubonic Plague.

  7. My MLB batting average is unflawed by strikes.

  8. I know more about Stephen Hawking’s work than Sir Isaac Newton.

  9. I am a faster text messenger than Socrates was.

  10. My YouTube Channel has more views than Alexander the Great’s.

  11. My original blog content is more widely read than Mary Shelley’s.

  12. Everyone in the Universe either is, or is not, A.P. Miller

  13. I was not involved in the New England Patriots’ “Deflategate” scandal – I am completely innocent of involvement.

  14. I knew about IMDB.Com before Alfred Hitchcock did.

  15. I have had more direct influence on the financial performance of the Target corporation than George Washington & Abraham Lincoln combined!

This letter exercise in word play and absurdity was for my benefit, pretty much exclusively. In the month of November, I will be participating in “National Novel Writing Month” (or NaNoWriMo) and such craziness is an excellent method to opening up creative centers of the brain. You should try it some time.

Have yourself a wonderful day, and Bon Voyage on your next trip across the Millerverse!

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