I’m going to be honest: I’m not always the supreme creativity machine I’d have you believe I am. Sometimes I am scratching my head for story ideas and blog topics. Like Richard Gere stopping by a street corner and talking to Julia Roberts, sometimes I need professional help for my dilemma. I’m also cheap, so I’m not paying for it either. So …I guess Richard Gere wouldn’t be stopping to talk to Julia Roberts, but someone who says people say she looks like Julia Roberts (when we all know damn well no one said it but her grandma, and Grandma thinks Julia Roberts is the girl who works at the bank).
Today, I was cruising through a blog idea generator, and nothing struck. What did tickle me pink was some of the concepts, which gave me an idea in and of itself. This week, I’m going to take some of those blog topics and add my own wise-ass commentary to it. In the topic field, I typed “Writing” and got some really interesting responses.
[WARNING]: Strong Language Ahead!
My top ten favorite:
- How Writing is Bringing Sexy Back — Admittedly, there are some EXCELLENT romance writers who do bring the steam to their writing. When I first read this title, my first thought was “I’ve never heard someone say ‘Oh, you’re a writer? Help me take off my bra.’” The process of writing is the antithesis of sexy. I once took a two week vacation from my day job and spent it being a professional writer — given the option of what to wear to work, I opted for basketball shorts, said “to hell” with trimming my beard, and had blueberry smoothie on the corners of my mouth for HOURS. Am I writing wrong?
- Why Writing is Cuter than a Kitten — If you’re nine, maybe. At 36 years old, I am painfully aware that my concentration face is nearly identical to my “…the fuq did you just say?” and “is this going to be my first kidney stone?” faces. No lie, I’ve been staring at my screen and have been poked because someone thought I was dead.
- Why Writing is the New Black — I can’t dog on this one too much, because I have heard of people trying to go for the bookish “aesthetic” and having librarian jones’. When I read this topic, I thought of Kim Kardashian getting on the red carpet with her hair in a bun, wearing horn-rimmed glasses, a cardigan draped over her shoulders, clutching a copy of “Dear God, it’s me, Margaret” to her chest. Can someone from the younger generation confirm “…is the new black” is no longer popular slang?
- 11 Secrets the Government is Hiding About Writing — My eyes rolled so hard, I saw the back of my skull. I’m still waiting to hear about what happened when all those people raided Area 51, I don’t have the time or patience to rage against the machine over what Big Brother is hiding from me about my craft.
- 14 Ways Writing Could Help Your MLB Team Win the World Series — I can’t think of one way my writing is going to capture the pennant for the Mets, let alone fourteen! I can just see Luis Rojas (Manager) running up to Corey Oswalt (Pitcher) at the bottom of the ninth in game seven and saying “I just read ‘A Law of Constants’ by A.P. Miller, I know what to do.”
- Why Writing is Afraid of the Truth — Immediately, I saw Jack Nicholson screaming at one of my books, shouting “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!” I’m starting to understand what people mean when they say I can’t take anything seriously.
- 10 Unexpected Uses for Writing — …outside of getting people to read words?
- 18 Facts About Writing that Will Make Your Hair Stand On End — The first instance of the written word was from the first man asking the first woman for nudes.
- How to be Unpopular in the Writing World — I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I’ve seen it happen! There was an author who went on a tirade about a literary agent and then created a handful of troll accounts to back himself up in argument. To this day, his first name is synonymous with assholery amongst the Twitter Writing Community.
- Why Writing is the 51st Shade of Gray — I mean, writing is hard and painful, and writers do it because they love it …you do the math.
I went in search of a blog topic and I found it. It might not have been the serious diatribe about writing that I was hoping for, but I’ll take it.
Thank you for reading and I’ll see you on your next trip across the Millerverse!