Do You Remember How Dope MySpace Surveys Were?

I know you didn’t open up this blog expecting a history lesson, but you’re getting one anyway. Picture it, mid-2000’s, a time before your grandmother using the Facebook status to search for recipes, an era before your creepy uncle and his sex offender registry profile picture popped up as a suggestion to be friends, there was a website where you could be yourself — or at least the self you wanted to be. Before there was “Repost this or Jesus is going to kill kids with cancer,” “This pot-belly pig needs a kidney transplants and a million likes,” or fake news, there was MySpace. Half the fun of participating in MySpace was the MySpace profile survey.

There was no greater clarion call to honesty, no command for undiluted honesty, than the MySpace survey. The statement, nay, declaration of personal truths was between one-hundred-fifty and two hundred questions, and a really good opportunity to guess the answers to someone’s bank security questions. So, to celebrate such a historic milestone as the MySpace profile, I am completing a MySpace Profile Survey!

  • Last beverage: Coffee
  • Last phone call: To my girlfriend
  • Last song you listened to: See the list at the bottom of the page.
  • Have you dated someone twice: No. Exes are exes for a reason.
  • Have you ever been cheated on: She swears she didn’t, but I trust her about as far as I could throw her, so who knows.
  • Kissed someone & regretted it: Absolutely!
  • Have you lost someone special: A few times.
  • What are your three favorite colors: Orange, Black, Red.
  • Met someone who changed you in the past month: I have!
  • Kissed anyone on your friends list: For this instance, we’ll say my friends list on social media. The answer would be yes.
  • How many kids do you want: No matter what number is here, multiply it by zero.
  • Do you want any pets: I wouldn’t mind adopting a dog.
  • Do you want to change your name: I’m used to it by now.
  • What did you do for your last birthday: I had an incredible get-together with my girlfriend and her family!
  • What time did you wake up today: 8-ish?
  • Name something you CANNOT wait for: The day I sign a book deal with a major publisher.
  • Last time you saw your mother: I don’t want to talk about it.
  • Most visited webpage:!
  • Nicknames: What hasn’t been my nickname?
  • Relationship status: In a relationship.
  • Zodiac sign: Libra.
  • Male or female: Male.
  • Height: 6’0”.
  • Do you have a crush on someone: Not just a crush, but I am infatuated with that someone.
  • Piercings: No.
  • Tattoos: I’ve got three; a bass clef on my arm, a few initials with incredible meaning, and the Misfits skull on my calf.
  • Strong or Weak: Physically? Strong. Emotionally? Sure, why not?


  • First surgery: I’ll let you know when it happens.
  • First best friend: His name was Rick.
  • First sport you joined: Tee-Ball.
  • First vacation: My first marriage.
  • First school: Moshannon Valley Elementary
  • First pair of trainers: I have no clue.


  • Lips or eyes: Eyes. You can tell everything about someone by their eyes.
  • Hugs or kisses: I’m a fan of both.
  • Shorter or taller: Is “healthy” an option?
  • Older or younger: No preference
  • Romantic or spontaneous: Allow me to answer the next few questions with this answer — as long as they are happy, then I’m good.
  • Sensitive or loud: I don’t think those two are opposites of each other.
  • Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
  • Shy or outgoing: Happy.


  • Kissed a stranger: No.
  • Gotten a speeding ticket: Yes …those sons of bitches.
  • Lost glasses/contacts: Yes.
  • Sex on first date: No, I waited until marriage.
  • Broken someone’s heart: I hope not.
  • Been arrested: No, but I have had law enforcement draw their weapons approaching me.
  • Have you turned someone down: Sure.
  • Fallen for a friend: All of my relationships have started out as friendships.
  • Moved out of town: AND out of state.


  • Miracles: Absolutely.
  • Love at first sight: I’m on the fence about this one.
  • Heaven: Yes.
  • Santa Claus: I have a really funny story about a mall Santa cruising the porn section of the visdeo store I used to work at in the mall.
  • Kiss on the first date: If everyone is mutually consenting to it, do your thing.
  • Angels: Yes.
  • Yourself: Yes.


  • Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No.
  • Been in love with someone you couldn’t be with?: Yes.
  • Ever cheated on somebody: No.
  • you could go back in time, how far would you go?: All the way back to 1990.
  • Are you afraid of falling in love: No.
  • Was your last relationship a mistake? Getting married.
  • Do you miss your last relationship? About as much as I miss getting a prostate exam from Edward Scissorhands.
  • Who did you last say “i love you” to? My girlfriend, Elizabeth.
  • Have you ever been depressed? Anyone who says they haven’t either aren’t aware of the signs or are in denial.
  • Are you insecure? Not as much as I used to be.
  • How do you want to die? Doing something heroic, or in my sleep.
  • Do you bite your nails? No.
  • When was your last physical fight? About 23 years ago.
  • Do you have an attitude? I have a personality.
  • Twirl or cut your spaghetti? Twirl; I’m not a serial killer.
  • Do you tan a lot? No
  • Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving? Yes.
  • Ever made out in a bathroom? No.
  • Would you take any of your exes back? I’d rather kiss a King Cobra on the mouth.
  • Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Absolutely.
  • What are your plans for this weekend? This.
  • Do you type fast? I sure do.
  • Can you spell well? I think so.
  • What are you craving right now? World peace.
  • Have you ever been on a horse? Yes, when I was little.
  • Would you live with someone without marrying them? Those roads all lead to marriage.
  • What’s irritating you right now? My lower back.
  • Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Absolutely.
  • Does somebody love you? She sure does.
  • Have you ever changed clothes in a car? I have.
  • Milk chocolate or white chocolate? Milk chocolate.
  • Do you have trust issues? I do.
  • Longest relationship? 20 years.
  • Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? I’d wager my left testicle she’s reading this right now.
  • Have you ever walked outside in your PJs? I’ve walked outside in less.
  • Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yes.
  • Did you have dream last night? I don’t think.
  • Have you ever been out of state? Yes.
  • Do you play the Wii? Not in a long time.
  • Do you like Chinese food? Yes.
  • Are you afraid of the dark? Somewhat.
  • Is cheating ever okay? Never.
  • What year has been your best? 2021.
  • Do you believe in true love? Yes.
  • Favorite weather? Pennsylvania Autumn.
  • Do you like the snow? Yes.
  • Do you like the outside? Yes.
  • Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Absolutely.
  • Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? …where do you people find the stamina?
  • What makes you happy? The little things.
  • Ever been to Alaska? No.
  • Ever been to Hawaii? No.
  • Do you watch the news? I read the news.
  • Do you love MTV? I did, when they played music videos.
  • Do you like subway? The restaurant? Sure.
  • Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? Absolutely not.
  • Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? She does, she loves me even.
  • Why did you decide to do this quiz? I’m always searching for fresh blog content/
  • Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? Yes.
  • Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Yes.
  • Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Liz.
  • Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Liz.
  • Ever bought condoms? Yes.
  • Ever gotten pregnant? With a food baby.
  • Have you ever slipped on ice? Yes.
  • Have you ever missed the bus? Intentionally and Unintentionally.
  • Have you left the house without money? I carry plastic, always.
  • Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Yes.
  • Have you ever smoked a cigar? Yes.
  • Did you ever drink alcohol? Yes.
  • Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”? Of course.
  • Have you ever been overweight? …hahahahaha! Fuck you.
  • Ever been to a wedding? Yes.
  • Ever been in a wedding? Yes.
  • Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight? I’m a writer, of course.
  • Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight? Yes.
  • Ever kissed in the rain? No.
  • Did you ever shower with someone else? Yes.
  • Did you ever fail a driver’s test? Yes.
  • Ever been outside your home country? No.
  • Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? Yes.
  • Ever been to a professional sports game? Yes! I was in the press section at a Bellator MMA event in State College, PA.
  • Have you ever broken a bone? Yes, I broke my pinky.
  • Did you ever win a trophy in your life? Yes — I won third place in a wrestling tournament that only had four wrestlers in my division.
  • Ever get engaged? Yes.
  • Have you ever been on a diet? Yes.
  • Have you ever been on TV? Yes, I had my own TV show.
  • Ever ridden in a taxi? Does Uber count?
  • Ever been to prom? Yes
  • Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more? Yes
  • Have you ever been to a concert? Many!
  • Have you ever had a crush on someone at work? Yes, we’re dating now.
  • Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, it sucked.
  • Ever had braces? No.
  • Did you ever learn another language? Not really.
  • Do you wear make-up? Facepaint during my Edgelord phase.
  • Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out? No.
  • Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself? I haven’t, not because of an aversion, I just come from a very white-washed area.
  • Ever dyed your hair? Yes.
  • Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes? Yes.
  • Ever ridden in an ambulance? No.
  • Ever ridden in a helicopter? No.
  • Ever caught the stove on fire? Yes.
  • Ever meet someone famous? Yes, I hung out with UFC 5 & UFC Ultimate Ultimate champion Dan “The Beast” Severn.
  • Ever been on an airplane? Yes.
  • Ever been on a boat? Yes.
  • Ever broken something expensive? I’m sure.
  • Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14? No.
  • Did you ever find something valuable on the ground? I found a fifty dollar bill. I turned it in to customer service because that kind of karma follows you.

Could you feel the nostalgia? Did the memories of learning basic HTML come flooding back? Did you feel the need to dust off the old profile song that was playing when someone visited your page?

Thank you for reading & I’ll see you on your next trip across the Millerverse!

Songs listened to while writing this blog:

  1. “Anti-Complicity Anthem” – Ignite
  2. “Bonzo Goes to Bitburg” – the Ramones
  3. “Drain the Blood” – the Distillers
  4. “Rise Above” – Black Flag
  5. “Sorrow” – Bad Religion
  6. “I Hear You Calling” – Gob

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