By the time you are reading this, I am likely in my house, where there is no power — it will likely be so hot and humid that I will forsake clothes for the entirety of my lifetime. Such a quality of existence will likely trigger baser and predatory instincts that have long been buried in my bloodline’s DNA for millennia. I will be less of the author and writer that you love, and more of the beast-man that I have evolved from. Let it been known, brave readers, that my bloodline did not evolve from apes. We evolved from the Sasquatch — the type of Sasquatch that gets hangry and doesn’t tolerate minor inconveniences such as the Air Conditioning being out or not being able to sleep two covers deep while the HVAC is set to 65 degrees. Truth be told: I am already politicking to be the tribal leader of my neighborhood. (Sucks to your assmar, neighbor guy!)
Hurricane Dorian is welcome to lovingly kiss the fleshiest part of my butt, and I mean that with complete sincerity. If Hurricane Florence was the ex-wife of weather patterns, then Dorian must surely be the “Uh… I don’t think the condom broke” of encounters. Honestly, i’m ready to embrace the suck. Like anyone who has been alive for more than 15 years, I’ve learned to make decisions and preparations for extended lengths of discomfort. As a writer, I wanted to share mine with you.
- Food, Water – this one is a no-brainer. Buy food that doesn’t require electricity to prepare (and how I am missing my mom’s gas stove as I type) and you should have 1 gallon of water, per person, per day, for seven days. Jugs of water are cheap and often more economical than individual bottles.
- Radio, Flashlights, Batteries – another no-brainer. For major weather events like we are prone to in the Coastal Carolinas, a weather radio is a blessing. I’ve been fortunate enough to come into possession of one that runs on hand crank and not batteries, bonus! At night, it gets dark. The radio keeps you informed, and you’ll need enough batteries to endure your stay.
- If ordered to evacuate: do it. Don’t ask questions. In my various lines of employment, I’ve also learned to cut the main breaker and shut off the water main at the street. Those two actions will make rescue and recovery efforts much more effective for those doing the rescuing.
- Let people know how you are doing. Text someone before the event to let them know that it has started; keep one of those external charge things for your phone, and just keep someone informed on your outcomes. People don’t want to worry about you.
Here is the writer specific stuff:
- Stock up on pens and comp books – the marbled comp books hold together better than the spiral bound notebook. Pens should be able to handle the page if it takes on a little bit of ambient humidity.
- Alcohol (optional) – Obviously.
- Don’t be afraid to let your imagination run wild with the noises you are hearing — I can’t tell you how many new stories have been added to my writer’s morgue by just allowing my mind to embrace the outer limits of possibilities of things.
- And most importantly: Be Safe. I make jokes about the weather and how I’m in control of being pissed off about it, but that’s because sometimes I’m afraid. There is no more important commodity that can be protected than your life.
Stay dry, stay safe. I’ll see you on the other side of Hurricane Dorian.