Wedding – A.P. Miller

[DISCLAIMER]: This piece is a satire, and the author is an idiot sometimes. Please don’t take any of this advice seriously — you would be better off trusting your retirement account to Bernie Madoff than listening to A.P.. Also, any similarities between any persons, or events, is purely coincidental. If you take issue with anything that’s said, maybe you should think twice about your shitty personality, and the way you treat other people. Maybe you have a guilty conscience. Asshole.

So, today should be my thirteenth wedding anniversary. I should be toasting to the thirteen years I put into keeping up my end of “till death do us part,” and I should be slipping my dog scraps without my doggymama seeing, and all would be well. Clearly, that’s not the way it’s actually happening. Instead of being bitter, I’ve decided to help other people who are going through similar issues, because I’m a giver.

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Without going into too much detail, I’ve been told the family elders aren’t happy that just anyone can marry into the family. They aren’t pointing fingers at me directly, but it’s either me, or my ninth cousin Gustav …and I don’t think he’s coming out of Aunt Hildah’s basement long enough to get married (so they are pointing fingers at me). The family wants the process to become betrothed to the family to be more selective. A representative from the family’s ancestral homeland has sent an edict that our branch of the family must observe the traditions of the old country.

So, for your education, in case you ever plan on marrying one of the Miller Men: the conditions and process of marriage (as dictated by the Miller Family Elders, headquartered in the Old Country).

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Tag: Wedding

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