Nerdtheories: The Advanced Theory of the T-1000 & Practical Earth Applications

Picture it: 1992. Terminator 2: Judgement Day had bee in theaters and is on the fast track to becoming one of the biggest motion picture event of the millennium. Little A.P. Miller, a science fiction aficionado in his own right, takes to the James Cameron franchise like a meth addiction on a reality TV star.

I think we can all agree that one of the coolest visual devices used on the film “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” was the liquid metal protagonist, the T-1000. The shape-shifting killing machine was malleable, changing its shape and appearance at will, while also being able to distort its limbs into lethal shapes intended on stabbing or dismembering the target at hand. I know I was fascinated by the prospect.

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Hurricane Preparation for Writers

By the time you are reading this, I am likely in my house, where there is no power — it will likely be so hot and humid that I will forsake clothes for the entirety of my lifetime. Such a quality of existence will likely trigger baser and predatory instincts that have long been buried in my bloodline’s DNA for millennia. I will be less of the author and writer that you love, and more of the beast-man that I have evolved from. Let it been known, brave readers, that my bloodline did not evolve from apes. We evolved from the Sasquatch — the type of Sasquatch that gets hangry and doesn’t tolerate minor inconveniences such as the Air Conditioning being out or not being able to sleep two covers deep while the HVAC is set to 65 degrees. Truth be told: I am already politicking to be the tribal leader of my neighborhood. (Sucks to your assmar, neighbor guy!)

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Ask an Author (W/ A.P. Miller) – Volume 5

[WARNING]: The following blog is a SATIRE that is designed to entertain and invoke laughter, but may be deemed offensive by some folks. If you are easily offended or have strong opinions that you defend violently, please move along from this post. I’d rather us be friends next week than you be mad at me this week and we never speak again.

If there had been a lawsuit filed by someone who took my advice column seriously, I wouldn’t be able to talk about it. Just like I wouldn’t be able to tell you that such a person got laughed out of the courtroom, and I wouldn’t be able to tell you that their significant other had been winning the “pants off dance off” with everyone other than the Complaintant. Those are details that I have to keep to myself.

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Satire: Hello Mother, Hello Father, Here I am at Camp Gvorbolix.

Dear Readers:

Little bit of backstory: I was abducted by aliens last week — according to the twenty-six hours of conditioning on their space ship, I am supposed to say “I was invited on an opportunity to explore the Universe.” The way I see it, if the teachers of Moshannon Valley couldn’t get me to pay attention to their rules, the extraterrestrials didn’t have a chance in Ferboflaarb (alien hell).

The actual abduction itself wasn’t that bad. One tractor beam, a steam bath, and a procedure that found all that gum my Mom told me not to swallow, and I was sitting in a room full of books and having food brought to me three times a day! I didn’t have to stumble into my kitchen three or four times, open the fridge several times, and then resolve to just call the pizza guy — the pizza guy came to me and I didn’t have to tip him! The Space Explorers of Planet Vingerglorx 9 (they gave me permission to call them “the Spaceman” after I butchered it enough times) couldn’t comprehend the rural appetite that I had been raised with and so the meals changed a little bit. I asked Jimferglorp (Jim, for short. He hates it) what the new sustenance was — he jokingly replied “It’s a salad, you pack animal!” Jim has been my best friend since I arrived on the ship.

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Post Release Hangover

So, the good news: “Days of the Phoenix” has officially outsold “Broken Promise Records!” You, and you exclusively, have made my sophomore effort more successful than the freshman one! People have been loving “Days of the Phoenix” and hearing back from folks who have loved the book are just making my heart swell — sincerely, your support has been tremendous and heartfelt. The way you all came to the table with “Broken Promise Records” and supported my work without question was game changing.

Unfortunately, I had to pull “Broken Promise Records” from the bookshelves. So, if you got a copy, treasure it, because there will be no way to buy a replacement.

It’s this time of the year, right after a book release, that I find myself in the middle of a “Post Release Hangover” — my release efforts for “Days of the Phoenix” is done and then you are left with a crater of feeling, a lack of purpose even. When you change your gears from drafting, to editing, to marketing, it can be difficult to change gears back to drafting, but it must be done.

When I was done writing “Broken Promise Records,” I thought that it was one of the coolest things I’d ever done. If I ever only wrote that one book, I would be happy. Come January, I decided that I wanted to compete in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), and so I committed to writing a book in a month; and that’s when I wrote “Days of the Phoenix.” National Novel Writing Month comes around and I am able to produce another manucript. I am planning on competing in NaNoWriMo again and will try to get a warm up manuscript together before then.

Right now, at this moment, I am taking a moment to be grateful to everyone who has supported me along the way, for all the stars aligning, and for the ability to keep writing.

I just wanted to check in and let you all know how appreciated you all are!