Tag: Blog

Storytime: My First Dance With Danger

Posted on by A.P. Miller in Blog, Story Time

Spring, 1988-1989

Over thirty years later and I can still remember that out-of-body experience. I can still see the fear in my eyes, my arms & legs pumping, and the set of headlights careening towards me.

I was four, maybe five, years of age. It was one of the rare times my father was off the road from his job as a long-haul driver enough to join the rest of his family for an extended family function. While I can’t remember what the exact moment of honor was, I remember being dressed in a button-down that matched my father’s, and I was proud to look like my elder namesake. Dad loaded all of us into the car and we were off to my great-grandmother’s.

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The A.P. Miller Method for Getting Out of Jury Duty

Posted on by A.P. Miller in Blog

It was 2013 — an era before TikTok and when you could breathe air without concern for deadly contagion. I was working as a manager for commercial real estate, not yet having realized my aspirations for being a writer. If that time in history could have one word to describe its glorious station in the annals of record, that word would be “…meh.”

I stopped into the post office of the Pine Grove Mills, Pennsylvania post office and found a letter that both filled me with dread and ignited my heart on fire in an excited flame — an envelope from the government. Yours truly had been selected as a candidate to potentially serve for jury duty in a federal case. There was a serial number I had to log into every day to see if I had been selected and everything.

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Do You Remember How Dope MySpace Surveys Were?

Posted on by A.P. Miller in Blog

I know you didn’t open up this blog expecting a history lesson, but you’re getting one anyway. Picture it, mid-2000’s, a time before your grandmother using the Facebook status to search for recipes, an era before your creepy uncle and his sex offender registry profile picture popped up as a suggestion to be friends, there was a website where you could be yourself — or at least the self you wanted to be. Before there was “Repost this or Jesus is going to kill kids with cancer,” “This pot-belly pig needs a kidney transplants and a million likes,” or fake news, there was MySpace. Half the fun of participating in MySpace was the MySpace profile survey.

There was no greater clarion call to honesty, no command for undiluted honesty, than the MySpace survey. The statement, nay, declaration of personal truths was between one-hundred-fifty and two hundred questions, and a really good opportunity to guess the answers to someone’s bank security questions. So, to celebrate such a historic milestone as the MySpace profile, I am completing a MySpace Profile Survey!

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Five Ways to Recommend Books to People with ADHD

Posted on by A.P. Miller in Blog

Picture it: the early 1990’s. The Book It program by Pizza Hut is taking the school systems by storm! Free pizza for reading? Sign me up! Part of the program is that if all of the students met their Book It goals, the entire class would be treated to a pizza party. Sounds simple enough — read books, get pizza. Slam dunk. Home run. Touchdown.

Because it’s the early 1990s, there is an affliction going around that a lot of people either aren’t aware of, don’t know enough about, or dismiss it as new age bullshit: Attention Deficit Disorder. If you were a parent in that time, you couldn’t fathom the thought of your child having that thing they talk about on the news — even if you thought your child did, celebrities said the drugs to help with the affliction are bad and cause horrible conditions. No parent wants to put their kid through that. The kids themselves don’t quite understand why they can’t pay attention like the other kids.

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It’s not illegal …but it should be!

Posted on by A.P. Miller in Blog

One of my favorite movies is “The Big Short,” starring Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale, and a lot of other amazing actors. The premise of the movie is about the 2008 housing crisis and the irresponsibility of the financial institutions that lead to the crash. One of the iconic lines of the film comes from an exchange with Steve Carell’s character incensed by the blatant negligence of the big banks — Jared Vennett (as played by Ryan Gosling said): “If being stupid was illegal, I’d have my wife’s brother in prison.” (paraphrasing).

That line got me thinking about things that should be illegal. Punishable by the full extent of the law. I’m talking about the kind of jail time that makes you sit with your back to the wall at a restaurant and hover over your plate like a mama lion guarding her cubs. For this week’s blog, I’ve come up with a list of things that are technically legal, but shouldn’t be.

All rise. Court is in session. The questionably honorable Judge A.P. Miller is presiding.

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